Beyond Recovery To Restoration
Working with the Trauma of Sex Abuse
Restoration
about
We are capable of much more than just "getting over" trauma. And we are not powerless to overcome the impact of sex abuse. Our power lies in being restored to our authentic identity.Restoration provides a framework to accomplish a new level of healing. By identifying misaligned beliefs and exchanging them for empowering truths, the victim of trauma reclaims the power to become all she was created capable of being.The four ranges of restoration provide a pathway to reconnect to ones authentic self and thus reconnect to your world.In the book, Beyond Recovery to Restoration, the Restoration Ranges: Refugee, Overcoming, Conquering, Identity are defined, belief structures and obstacles exposed, and therapeutic approches provided.
We are capable of much more than just "getting over" trauma. And we are not powerless to overcome the impact of sex abuse. Our power lies in being restored to our authentic identity.
Restoration provides a framework to accomplish a new level of healing. By identifying misaligned beliefs and exchanging them for empowering truths, the victim of trauma reclaims the power to become all she was created capable of being.
The four ranges of restoration provide a pathway to reconnect to ones authentic self and thus reconnect to your world.
In the book, Beyond Recovery to Restoration, the Restoration Ranges: Refugee, Overcoming, Conquering, Identity are defined, belief structures and obstacles exposed, and therapeutic approches provided.
Foundational Principles of Restoration
1. Restoration is about finding the beliefs the victim has about herself and her world as a result of the abuse. It is not about memory retrieval. Focus on memories can be re-victimization and does not touch the deep impact of trauma.
2. Restoration is about self awareness. When the victim learns what is going on inside, she can make change from the inside out. That is where change really happens.
3. An exchange of belief systems is required. The victim must give up old ways of thinking and doing.
4. Personal power is found under the misbeliefs in reconnecting to authentic identity.
5. Teach missed developmental skills.
Excerpt from the book:
Changing the Language
Words shape the direction of our lives. The words spoken to us, around us and over us create pathways upon which our lives play out. Words can build up or tear down, set limits or promote freedom, encourage or discourage, bless or curse. Understanding the importance of words and how they affect the victim of sex abuse is key to restoration.
From the words the perpetrator uses during the crime, to the words the victim tells themselves and uses to describe their trauma; from the words the justice system uses to the words the mental health profession depends on; each set of words carries its own challenges. Each word spoken around the abuse carries an implication and an internalized meaning for the victim. Exploring and understanding the impact of the words the victim hears and uses is an important part of opening the pathway to freedom.
The Words a perpetrator uses
The words spoken by the perpetrator weave silence, deep wounds, control and confusion. They form a root system upon which experience is written. In the process of restoration, it becomes important to unearth the impact these words have upon the victim. I do not suggest making the discovery of these words the focus of a session. That approach has the potential to propel the victim back to the moment with no preparation or skills to manage. Rather a respectful approach is one that watches for therapeutic opportunities in the moment to hear the words spoken by the perpetrator.
For example, while focusing on the issue of sexual intimacy a victim may talk about how she does not like the fact that her body responds sexually so she dissociates when sexually intimate. This conversation topic provides a great opportunity to first teach about the natural sexual responses of the body (developmental task), and secondly to drill down to where the root belief about her sexual response was planted (self-awareness). You may discover that the perpetrator told her that she wanted the abuse because her bodys response said she liked it. Doing the work to speak truth to that statement will help restore her sexual response and dismantle the impact of the spoken words.
Remember that the focus in restoration is connecting inside to the beliefs and messages created around the abuse, and offering truth where necessary. By exposing the perpetrators words and speaking truth to restore freedom from the destruction of the words, the emotional impact, the grief, and the deep pain can be accessed and released in safety.
The perpetrator may offer words of love while reaping destruction on a heart. One of our greatest treasures at our office is our Handprint Banner. It goes weekly with us to the Detention Center and everywhere I speak. The banner is covered with colorful handprints, each from a victim of sex abuse. Around the handprints are the words the victim wants you to hear about how sex abuse affected them. It is a moving art piece, reflecting vulnerability and voice.
In the center of one of the panels is a pair of orange hands. In the center palm area of the left hand is the word princess. In the center palm area of the right hand is the word Daddys little girl. In a sober and quiet voice the victim explained her handprint by saying, That is what he would say to me as he molested me. How evil is that misrepresentation of the importance of a father and daughter relationship. How devastating to a heart that needs to trust a Daddy. And how confusing.
In her book, The Hidden Legacy (1992), Barbara Small Hamilton writes, My dad would say, I want to teach you about your body so you will be a good wife someday. This is our own special secret and we wont tell anyone. I truly believed that my Daddy wouldnt do anything wrong. And I trusted him to take care of me. You can see the confusion such words creates in ones understanding of love, caregiving and being special.
If you tell. These words, designed to produce compliance, fill the victims heart with fear and responsibility. Victims hear such things as, If you tell, no one will believe you, If you tell, I will have to leave and then you wont have a place to live, If you tell Ill touch your brother too. There may even be threats of serious violence. One of the sad realities is that often these things do happen if the victim tells.
As she keeps the secret, the victim assumes the responsibility to keep the rest of her world safe even if hers isnt. The if she has heard translates into I must. She grows up to be an adult who feels responsible for everything around her. She manages others emotions, keeps the peace at all costs, and in unhealthy ways meets all her familys needs.
Children are dependent on adults to meet their needs. The perpetrator may take advantage of this position and promise things to the child if they comply with the sex abuse. A child has the right to expect that her physical needs for clothes or food, or even shelter, will be met by the adults around her without her being victimized in the process. The victim is held hostage by her needs. Learning that her needs can be bartered, manipulative behavior patterns may develop.
On the flip side, sometimes the victim is lavished with gifts. After the sexual assault, the victim may receive a long desired item. Learning that her body will buy her gifts, promiscuous behavior or sexual activity becomes a means to get what she wants or needs.
Rebecca Born, MSW
Seeing the lack of resources for assisting victims of sex abuse, Rebecca envisioned and birthed a center to meet the long-term needs evidenced in the impact of the trauma. At Connections: A Safe Place, victims of sex abuse invited her into their journey and from them she learned of the needs for restoration.Rebecca is an accomplished and passionate speaker and lives in Cincinnati, OH.Rachel Davis, MSAs co-founder of Connections, Rachel is dedicated to assisting victims of sex abuse to reconnect to their authentic selves and has the knack for discerning a lesson from songs, quotes and art. Rachel is an artist working in oil paints and hand thrown potter. She resides in Cincinnati. OH. Together Rebecca and Rachel designed the Restoration program and authored all materials.
Seeing the lack of resources for assisting victims of sex abuse, Rebecca envisioned and birthed a center to meet the long-term needs evidenced in the impact of the trauma. At Connections: A Safe Place, victims of sex abuse invited her into their journey and from them she learned of the needs for restoration.
Rebecca is an accomplished and passionate speaker and lives in Cincinnati, OH.
Rachel Davis, MS
As co-founder of Connections, Rachel is dedicated to assisting victims of sex abuse to reconnect to their authentic selves and has the knack for discerning a lesson from songs, quotes and art.
Rachel is an artist working in oil paints and hand thrown potter. She resides in Cincinnati. OH.
Together Rebecca and Rachel designed the Restoration program and authored all materials.
Material
Categories
Traditional recovery models are based on the premise that if you admit powerlessness over the substance or behavior that is controlling
your life, you have a key to freedom from it.
In Restoration we acknowledge the behavior and assign to ourselves the power to change the compulsion that drives the behavior. How? By identifying the belief system or power behind the drive and make appropriate adjustments to align ourselves to healthy thinking.
Recovery provides freedom.
Restoration provides liberty.
Table of Contents
Chapter One: Why a New Paradigm
Chapter Two: Changing our Language
Chapter Three: Refugee Range
Description of a refugee
Belief Systems
Emotions
Obstacles and Therapeutic Strategies
Core Tasks
Activity Examples
Chapter Four: Overcoming
(Same breakdown as for Refugee)
Chapter Five: Conquering
Chapter Six: Identity
Chapter Seven: Connections
Appendix
Breakthrough!
These 26 lessons are designed to break through the surface of the behaviors and emotions that adolescent girls present in order to help them understand:
Sample Activity
Where is She Taking Her Heart
Discovery!
The material is presented in a non-traditional manner that disrupts thinking patterns. and creates opportunity for self discovery.
By filling in worksheets and doing the simple projects, participants uncover inner belief systems, thought patterns and emotions. This new inner knowledge provides opportunity to make changes from the inside out that result in outer behavior change.
Each of the 27 activites include a lesson plan and all the worksheets needed.
Where is she taking her heart? _______________________
_______________________________________________
Has she ever allowed her heart to be there? Why or why not? _______________________________________________
What are her plans to keep her heart safe? _____________
What has she learned in the past that can help her now?____________________________________________
Introduction - Defining a Hero
Chapter One - Unmasking a Hero
Detour One - On the Right Path
Chapter Two - A Hero's Stand
Detour Two - No Loitering
Chapter Three - The Call to Adventure
Detour Three - On the Right Path
Chapter Four - Caller I.D.
Chapter Five - Road of Trials/Preparing for the Journey
Pit Stop - Core
Detour Four - Understanding the load you carry
Chapter Six - Road of Trials/Rugged Terrain
Chapter Seven - Traveling companions
Detour Five - Face to Face with our enemies
Chapter Eight - Belly of the Whale
Chapter Nine - The Great Hunt
Chapter Ten - The Transformed Hero
Chapter Eleven - A Hero Returns
A Hero's Quest
An experience of self-discovery for men overcoming sexual abuse and other trauma.
Using the Star Wars IV: A New Hope film, The Quest uses the elements of a hero's journey to develop the self awareness necessry to overcoming trauma. Our definiton of a hero is someone who exchanges one way of doing things for another.
The Quest and it's elements can be a useful tool in looking at and understanding each of the unhealthy ways one has employed to manage trauma.
Like all our materials, the creative fill in the blank worksheets propel the participant into new understandings of self with the goal of changing from the inside out.
Price:18
26 Activities for female adolescents. Includes instructions and ready to copy worksheets
Price:24
Price:12
Self jAwareness activities for Women with trauma.
Label:NEW
Price:28
Original Price:32
Same material on CD - you print the worksheets directly.
Kaley tells her friend Becca about her sex abuse.
Price:8
Price:250
Original Price:300
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Rebecca BornandRachel Davis
